In the midst of all the strange and wonderful things designers have declared are stylish clothing – excessively long jeans, penis pockets, tying a jacket around your top half like a denim corset – you may have glossed over one particular shoe created by Christopher Kane.
The shoes appeared at London Fashion Week in 2017 to general shock and intrigue.
Why, you may ask, do these shoes remain worthy of discussion?
Well, they’ve got massive bits of sponge on them.
In what may be a genius solution to the pain of high heels, Christopher Kane decorated his stilettos with what looked like dish sponges cut into strips.
The bits of sponge provided padding at the heel and under the straps, as well as decorating the toe in little blue and yellow sponge stripes.
We liked the concept in theory, but the reality was a bit… strange. It’s hard to get your head around shoes with dish sponges stuck on being the height of fashion – especially when said shoes cost around £800 (Christopher Kane’s regular slingbacks cost around £450, while the Sponge Crystal Slingback Heels were listed by Surface at £834).
We entirely expected that these shoes would remain on the runway, just another weird trend for us to all gawp at.
We were wrong.
It turns out that there are people on the planet who are willing to pay hundreds of pounds to make their feet look like a bowl of washing up. Evidence of this: Samantha Cameron’s pal showed up to meet her while wearing those exact Christopher Kane shoes, and posed for a picture outside 10 Downing Street as if nothing out of the ordinary was occurring.
Now a quick note that’s quite important. Said pal is Tammy Kane, the sister of Christopher Kane and the deputy creative director at the label. That means she didn’t have to actually pay for said shoes.
She may also be happy to look a bit silly for the purposes of showcasing Christopher Kane’s designs.
But the important thing here is that Tammy Kane, a real-life person with real-life feet, chose to wore a pair of shoes with bits of sponge on to meet Samantha Cameron, then walked around like it was no big deal.
The sponge shoes have officially moved from the catwalk into the real world, and thus they are a trend for which you must sit up and pay attention.
Christopher Kane also made a matching sponge clutch, but we haven’t seen anyone wearing that just yet.
People on the internet seem fairly baffled by the shoes now…
…but just you wait. Soon Primark will be selling ballet flats with scourers and heels with steel wire flowers on the toe.
Sadly, Tammy Kane’s exact shoes are sold out (again, proof that people are paying money for said shoes).
But we reckon you could easily make your own pair.
Simply grab a pair of slingbacks and pop a sponge between the back strap and your foot. The Christopher Kane shoes actually have the sponge stuck to the outside of the strap, but putting it right next to the foot might add some extra comfort.
Add some more strips of sponge under your foot and on the toe of the shoe for extra excitement.
Just please do make sure you buy a fresh sponge for this purpose. A grimy one yanked from your washing up, flecked with ketchup and burnt-on grease, is not the look we’re going for.